Red Pepper Study #1, colored pencil in sketchbook, 3/21/09
I am starting to wonder why I bother with my art at all. Everything seems mostly pointless these days and nothing seems to matter anymore. I only do it because I don’t know what I would do with myself otherwise, and because I’ve invested quite a bit of myself in it ever since I can remember. I think I would feel guilty if I didn’t keep it up because for the first time, I am starting to feel like my skills are getting better. I know that if I stopped now, it would take me quite some time to get back to where I am now. I already lost a year because I couldn’t use my hands. The days I don’t even enjoy it most of the time but I am afraid that I would make a lot of people (my family especially) sad if I gave up altogether. Giving up would be like giving up on my life, but I am not sure what I should do at the moment. I feel guilty for being confused about this.
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